A person with long brown hair and blue glasses smiles at the camera while wearing a denim shirt against a dark background.

 

WELCOME TO "erica's struggle bus"

 

Hi friends! Many of you have already heard about my terrible, horrible, no good, very bad start of 2026. But, I'd like to keep you all in the loop about what's going on. Here's my first attempt at a blog about all the things. I promise there is snark.

Chase...

In late December 2025 we found out our son (in-utero) had an anomaly: Hypoplastic Right Heart Syndrome, meaning that only half of his heart was working properly. This caused a cascade of problems with his renal system (underdeveloped or non-functioning kidneys, and non-visible or no bladder) causing Chase to have almost no amniotic fluid. In turn, we lost our son on January 8, 2026, at almost 22 weeks gestation. We were told he, with certainty, would not have functioning lungs, and would not live outside of my body.  He didn't have amniotic fluid to fully develop his lungs, only half of his heart was working, he was incompatible with life. We have so much more to say on this subject, but I think that might be a whole other blog of its own. We think this topic, and Chase, deserves much more than a few lines on a webpage.


We were at a loss. This was our reality for 2 months, from late December until the end of February.  Would we have another child or would Chase be our only shot? But little did we know — this year is about to get so much worse (and it's only just begun).

Baby hand and footprints in black ink displayed within a decorative blue border frame on light background.
Woman in dark green polka dot dress poses in front of decorated Christmas tree with twinkling lights.
A black and white memorial card with decorative border showing

the rest of January

Just days before the loss of Chase, we lost Joel's grandmother too — which prompted a trip to New Jersey to lay her to rest. Mabel was great lady, pleasant, quiet, observant. I was always surprised by the fact that she knew who I was — as I was the newest member of the family and she had dementia. May she rest in peace.


The week of my 40th birthday we actually had a pre-planned vacation to Savannah, GA. The trip was great — despite a polar vortex. The average temperature was 50-ish, and Savannah didn't know what to do. But it was great, one of my best friends came with us, the hotel we stayed at was more like an apartment and we had great food and drink the whole week. Our time included dinner at the Pink House, a MLK parade, a ghost tour (that was kind of comedic), a walk to Savannah Bananas and a few hours at Tybee Island. It was just what we needed to grieve our son and reflect on what our life will look like. But we didn't expect this year would bring so much chaos.

A person walks along a sandy beach on a sunny day with calm blue waters and clear skies in the background.
A person wearing sunglasses and a scarf walks along a sunny beach on a breezy day.
Lamp posts illuminate a dark path through trees at night creating an eerie atmospheric scene.
A series of gold-colored business signs hang from a dark wooden building exterior against a blue sky and green trees.
A blue wall with yellow text writing displayed in a series of connected photos showing different angles and perspectives.
A sequence of dance poses shown against a blue graffiti wall background.
A series of close-up shots showing someone with blue glasses making silly expressions while looking at a mobile phone.
Historic Victorian mansion with ornate white lattice porches and Spanish moss draped oak trees in the foreground.
Three sequential photos show someone wearing a light-colored Sequoia National Park hoodie in an outdoor setting.
Panoramic view of a park fountain surrounded by lush greenery and people enjoying a sunny day.
Coffee cups with brown lids sit on a counter in a row showing a repeating pattern.

Feburary

February came and was fairly uneventful, other than grieving and pondering life. Valentine's Day came and went, we took photos and participated in a "paint your partner" night at Gather Your Party Games to be with friends and have some laughs. Our paint night adventure awarded us two silhouettes that we plan to proudly feature somewhere in our home! A few days later we decided to do a photoshoot to celebrate that I'm 40. I hadn't taken the time to let myself celebrate myself outside of the grief and chaos. I was starting to feel positive ... perhaps a mistake?

Red roses and baby's breath flowers create an elegant floral arrangement against a dark background.
A couple poses with their beagle mix dog against a dark background in a series of affectionate portrait shots.
Person with glasses and long dark hair wearing a blue top poses playfully while lying down against a dark background.
A person with dark hair and glasses smiles warmly while wearing a black top in a series of similar portrait shots.
A person with long brown hair and blue glasses smiles at the camera while wearing a denim shirt against a dark background.
A celebratory scene with purple metallic number balloons and wine glasses against a dark background.
A person in glasses and a floral dress makes peace signs while posing against a backdrop of silver number balloons.
A couple poses together in front of a festive holiday backdrop with red lights and bokeh effects.

February 28: The Big "C"

While pregnant with Chase, we found a bump that we were reassured was nothing to worry about. But my 40th has come and gone — time to do my due-diligence mammogram. Girls! It's not that bad, it's 30 seconds each picture (4 pictures), you're out in like 10 minutes! I was expecting follow-up, but hoping they would just confirm it was a normal lump.


A few days later the results say it looks abnormal (but also, this is your first mammogram, and we want to establish a baseline). Off to the Breast Center at the hospital  for an ultrasound. In the ultrasound, they say it's likely just a fibroadenoma (a nothing burger), but they don't really like how this lymph node looks either. They would like me to come back in for a biopsy of this lump and the lymph node.


Look — you all know where this is going. A few days later — a SATURDAY, we get the results ... and let me tell you that those results are in medical speak, but after some chatbot interpretation ... I have Breast Cancer, Invasive Duct Carcinoma (IDC). The secondary testing for the hormone receptors come back as Triple Negative. You all - this is CANCER, cancer. Most targeted therapies or hormone blockers won't work. And neither will just surgery. This thing is out to get me.


We needed some time to start processing such a big diagnosis, that once again was like a 1% chance (okay, maybe 10%). So, Joel and I went to our favorite place, the place where we got married, a place that brings us some peace, Harpers Ferry. We only got a few hours but the day was sunny and warm. The time in nature helped us to reconnect, and get out of our heads just for a little while.


Am I okay? Depends on the day, hour and the situation. Sometimes the answer is no, but I have my sense of humor and my support system. And, if you made it this far, we plan to continue to write about this journey. This is therapeutic for me (there will only be a slight filter) and this is helpful to keep you all informed durning this arduous task.


This is the story of my journey to kick this shit to the curb.

A series of selfies taken outdoors on a sunny day with mountains and trees visible in the background.